Better nutrition, vitamins and herbs (roll me a fatty please) all in the name of Immune System boosting is a hoot.
First off, you get to sit in a room and talk with a guy who says he’s a Doctor. But anyone can get a PhD and be a Doctor and not know jackshit about anything.
We tend to think medical when we say Doctor because when you see a person faint or hurt in public you generally hear – “Somebody call a Doctor” and I don’t think they want expect some clown who has Dr. of Philosophy smoking a pipe and wearing a corduroy sports coat (with patches on the sleeves) walk up to the scene quoting Nietzsche … “To live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering” … and then walk away.
No, you want someone with a stethoscope who will save your ass, not some existential fuck.
So, in any event you get to sit in a health clinic giving blood, urine and stool samples (sorry Nurse, it ain’t ready) … and some hair samples as well. They want all of the fluid except the fun one to donate. You sure you don’t want a sperm sample? It’s been awhile so instead of a cup, you might want to give me a medium sized trough for the donation.
It all goes down like this:
Nurse – I am going to need you fill this cup with urine.
Me – When?
Uhh … now.
Ok – from here?
No, I’ll hand you the cup and you can go to the bathroom and do it.
Ok, probably easier that way, you’re pretty far away from me
Also, I am going to need to take some of your hair to test for heavy metal
How ironic.
I can take four or five chunks of hair from your head now or you can bring back some pubic hair tomorrow.
I don’t have any.
(silence)
OK, take it from my head now but you can keep the stool samples.
And to think I practiced peeing in a cup from 20 feet away for nothing.
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