Where’s the thermostat?

There are two types of people in the world … those of us who are normal and turn the heater on when the house is cold and the AC on when the house is hot.

And then there are you fucknuts (and it’s always the dad who has this stupid rule of calendar month thermostat olympics) who only turn the heater or AC on when it is the correct calendar month (based on some vague algorithm in their head derived from a less than vivid memory).

You get this type of conversation:

Honey – I’m going to turn the heater on as it is raining and 43 degrees outside and this house is freezing.
No – it’s only September.
But it’s snowing in the Family Room and Tippy is frozen solid.
Dammit, we turn the heater on in November and that’s it.

Or this:

Honey, let’s turn the AC on for the afternoon to get some of the midday heat and humidity out of the house.
No – it’s only mid March
But it’s 86 degrees outside and grandma is dead in the planter.
Dammit, we turn the AC on in June and that’s it.

Somewhere in the genetic code there must be a bent chromosome in the DNA sequence of people who can’t quite make the mental leap to using the heater and AC when the house requires it.

Although they have a moral code as to when to turn them on, they don’t seem to have any calendar end dates on when the AC or heater can be used, only beginning dates. For example, once the AC is officially turned on (in a little ceremony where the dad has some fresh fruit jammed up his ass to kick off the summer months), the AC can stay on until it’s no longer hot outside. They might turn it off in late August when they get some nice low-humidity weather for a spell and decide to open some windows for a few days, but if it gets hot again within a week or so, they’ll turn that bastard back on in a heartbeat.

Same with the heater, once the cold weather months arrive (November 1 is the official kick off date for the heater getting turned on when the dad – in a little ceremony – huffs some De-Icer and chases Mom around the house naked wearing a ice-scraper muffler around his cock) that heater can stay on until it is no longer cold outside.

But once the heater or AC has been turned off and remains off, you are pretty much fucked in the house regardless of the type of weather that might come your way.

Or you can choose to live with a normal person who turns the heater on when the house is cold and the AC on when the house is hot.

I didn’t think it was that tough a call – but then, I’ve never had melon balls jammed up my ass.