Where’s Bonnie Tyler?

The eclipse was yesterday and just one day afterwards you all need to quit posting your pictures of it on Facebook or Instagram. We all saw it, your pictures aren’t any different or better than anyone else’s.

It was a wonderful event and hopefully allowed some of you to do something other than stare at your phone for a while. I mean, drive around and you’ll see 9 out of every 10 people out walking their dog or pushing their kid in a stroller or just walking somewhere has their head buried in their phone doing that side to side, somewhat walking forward sort of amble.

You’ve heard of “Too Soon” about the perceived waiting period in order to poke any fun after a tragedy.

Well welcome to its opposite. “Too whatever … just shut the hell up about the eclipse”

“Here’s a picture of the eclipse Brett took from his deck … amazing”
Actually Brett, your picture looks exactly like every picture ever taken of every solar eclipse since Matthew goddamn Brady.

“Here’s a total eclipse picture taken from my point of view”
From your point of view?
Either you were in the path or you weren’t you cosmically challenged fuck.

It was hyped. It was fun. It was cool to see but move the hell on … it was the moon in front of the sun for about four minutes.

Now don’t start getting all Carl Sagan on us and try to learn all you can about the universe. You don’t have the brain capacity for it. You can’t shove 50 pounds of shit in a 10 pound sack.

But you do now have stories you can tell your grandchildren … like …
– You got to see a corona while you drank 13 of them

You’re more likely though one of those people who would walk up a hill at night thinking you’ll actually get a closer look at the stars.