Tell a Marketer …

When a mobile phone rings and it is a telemarketer, people get crazy stupid reacting to it as if it is somehow a violation of their person.  It’s a phone call you moron, not a home invasion.  People say it’s so annoying when they get these calls. 

Really? 

Don’t answer the phone then ass-eyes if you don’t know the number. We all have Caller ID on our phones — if you get a call from some obvious bullshit number then let it go to voice mail.  Christ, how hard it is to manage this shit without feeling like these phone calls distract you from your otherwise important day.

If you spend any time looking at people in public, 90% of them are walking around with their heads buried in their Iphone screen.  Facebook updates about some cat that managed to dance to a song “Went Viral” and it is a “Must See”.  It’s therefore required that you cross the street with your head down or drive your car with your knees while you visually masturbate with your phone.  But somehow a buzz from some random idiot calling you about whatever is an interruption of biblical importance that drives you batty.

I’m on the Do-Not-Call list as I am an important person who can’t be bothered with a phone call … I have to check Instagram to see if any of my friends have posted pictures of their cocks.

Many a time I have been a passenger in a car while driving down the highway at 80 miles an hour and the driver will just randomly pick up his phone and start reading or sending emails.  I have grabbed the phone from them more than a few times and said “Hey suckdick, can you not read your emails while you drive a 4000 pound car 80 miles an hour without looking at the road?”

Mass @ Acceleration = Force.  I’m not going to get in a wreck and be in a wheelchair the rest of my life blowing into a straw to get the fucking thing to move left just because you wanted to check your email like a nervous squirrel looking for a nut. You’re not that important and if you were, whatever you were reading in an email can wait on you … you fucking idiot.”

… Hold on a second, I’m getting a call … Hello … No stumpdick, I don’t want to buy new windows, how’d you get this number … motherfucker, I’m on the Do Not Call list …