Storms and Grocery Stores

Somewhere in the evolutionary process or – if you prefer – the whisk of a magic wand by the sky fairy version, we all got somewhat coded to freak out when a snow storm is forecasted.  Get a good 3-5 inch snow forecast and the grocery stores will be invaded by a giant swarm of people buying milk, bread and eggs … apparently just the thought of snow beckons people to make French Toast.

They also shop fast as if the thought of 4 inches of snow will entirely stop the economic engine of getting supplies to grocery stores – so they grab shit quickly or else forever be without Orange Juice and Cheese .  You drift into a grocery store on a normal day and there will always be a clog of people wondering around the store – they leave their cart on the other side of the aisle from whatever they’re looking at (leaving the entire aisle blocked as they can’t fathom the logic of putting the cart ahead of them on the same side so others can pass) and stare at the back of box of Bisquick either for the secrets of the universe – or simply because they have nothing else better to do.

But go in a grocery store the day before a forecasted snow storm and the place is alive with people running around like crack addicts with that glazed look in their eyes seemingly saying –  “Where’s the baked beans?  I gotta get those cocksuckers before the storm hits” … think back to the worst snow storm since … oh let’s say 1990 – I’m pretty sure Domino’s delivered me a pizza that day.  JFC people, calm the hell down.

Go to WalMart on a Saturday and you’ll see that many, many people could use a general slowdown on their food intake.  A good foot of snow might be just what they need to get their act together.

And while we’re discussing grocery stores:

Lady – if you are going to leave your cart full of shit in the middle of the fucking aisle or walkway because you decided that you didn’t want to haul it all the way to the other side of the grocery store because you forgot you needed to buy a giant cucumber, I will put a whole bunch of stupid grocery items in your cart underneath your normal groceries.  Then I will make sure to get behind you in the checkout lane and talk to you the entire time so you don’t pay any attention to the items being scanned by the checkout person.  You won’t know until you get home that you also bought $40 worth of stupid shit that was within arms length of me when you deserted your cart during your dildo searching cucumber run.