What part of a sit-down in a public restroom even remotely looks like a phone booth? I was in a restroom the other day and a guy sits down in one of the stalls to launch a griswald and his phone rings and the dumbass answers it with a “Hello”. This moron actually didn’t bother to check the caller ID to make a quick decision as to the caller’s importance to decide whether or not to send the call to voice mail. I can’t think of anyone I would want to talk to as I am heaving ass matter.
But this dope just answered his phone with a “Hello”. In fact I see that a lot with people – not necessarily sitting down taking a shit – but they hear it ring, look at the number, then they say “it’s Bob” … but then they answer it “Hello” as if they have no clue who it is. You saw his number, you said his name, answer the fucking phone with a “Hi Bob” for fuck’s sake.
Anyway, this loser sitting on the toilet starts having a conversation with the caller while at the same time mildly grunting starting the shitting process. He was like …. “Oh Hi Mark, no …. I’m not …. grrrrrrruhhh …. busy. What’s …. grrruuhh …. up?”. I was trying to make some bodily-function noises that would work their way over to his phone … but I decided just to flush the toilet three or four times and slam all the stall doors. He was still talking to Mark as I walked out … “thanks for the call Mark, I will …. grrrrrruuhhhh …. get those reports to you AS …. grrrruhhh …. AP”.
Also, the next plague has to start from a bacterial avalanche living in an airport or office building toilet. My gawd, what sort of animals live like that … I have started lining the toilet seat with so much toilet paper, that my feet are literally two or three feet off the ground. My head is above the stall door and I feel like a WalMart greeter when people come in the restroom. People walk in and it’s like – “Hi there, no … haha … No, I’m don’t work here – I’m taking a shit and trying not to have some new E-Coli/Epstein Barr virus jump up my ass while doing it.”
And it is staggering the number of dudes that piss and shit in a public restroom and immediately leave without washing their hands. I would rather touch tongues than shake hands – at least tongues have some germ killer on them.
People are sick … I bet women in public restrooms don’t even bother wiping “front to back” anymore.
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