Prescription Drug Commercials

I just watched a commercial for a drug and after listening to the voice over guy tell me precisely all of the possible organ failures and third tits I might grow as a side effect from taking a pill, fuck me, I’ll take the affliction over the pill to fix it.

The pill – I think it’s Ambien – which makes you fall asleep and stay asleep has so many possible side effects, I could never fall asleep as I would be so stressed out waiting for the anal leakage to occur.  According to the official Ambien website, common side effects of Ambien may include:

  • next day drowsiness – great … a pill that makes you fall asleep and you wake up drowsy – and isn’t “drowsy” a great word?  Say it about 10 times and it starts to sound like a dog’s name – c’mere Drowsy, c’mere boy … good dog … good Drowsy …
  • headaches – same effect as drinking vodka all night and you fall asleep just as fast
  • sleepiness – what the fuck – this pill makes you fall sleep and a side effect is sleepiness – you got to be shitting me.  What a crazy side effect.  “Hey Doc, this sleeping pill makes me sleepy.  You sure you gave me the right prescription?”
  • dizziness – see headaches

And from the Ambien website, more serious side effects may include:

  • temporary amnesia – call it a ‘Cosby’ … Heyyy, Heyyyyy, Hey …
  • drug dependence – not sure if you take Ambien and suddenly are a Heroin addict too. Who knows, you might take Ambien once and next thing you know, you’re blowing truckers for $10 crack hits.
  • withdrawal symptoms when the drug is stopped after being used on a regular basis – nice parallelism
  • excessively outgoing or aggressive behavior – might be tough to do asleep
  • confusion – you know, after you finish a five hour sleepwalking session and you wake up at “Birds of Feather” bar with a bing cherry in your ass and five shirtless guys dancing and calling you Buffy, you might be confused.
  • strange behavior – Aside from the above bing cherry incident, you need to define “Strange”
  • hallucinations – All for a good night’s sleep, you have to endure the ghost of your Uncle Bob in your room again – just like on camping trips when you were 10 years old.
  • suicidal thoughts – Suicide will definitely get you to sleep, consider it the Platinum package.

This is a lot of shit to worry about when all you’re trying to do is fall asleep.