Out of town weddings

We’re not talking about weddings that are out of town because the people getting married live in another state/town than you. We’re talking about people who live in the same town as you and decide to hitch their nuptials in a fucking location on the other side of the planet.

Let’s just say (for example) that you have a niece who has lived her entire life in the same town as you … and she decides to get married in a location that is 13 hours away by car. Sorry I can’t make it as I am having an herbal colonic that day. Yep, I can’t change it either because when the colon blows after an herbal washing, it’s like a brand new day and man do I feel fresh and alive.

And why exactly would you drag all of your friends and family 13 hours away to a wedding? Oh you want a small wedding, well invite only who you want to your wedding, have it in town and fuck ’em. Surely pissing off marginal friends that you don’t invite to your local wedding has to be better than pissing off your close friends and relatives who have to haul their asses to the fucking Atlantic Ocean for a 20 minute ceremony.

Let’s examine that conversation:

Me: Why are you getting married so far away when everyone you know lives here?

Bride to be: Because I want to get married somewhere pretty.

What are you? Nine years old? What did you do, log on to www.BarbieVagina.com and run a search for “somewhere pretty”. Where’s the Rehearsal Dinner, Dairy Queen?

You have to come, it’s a deal breaker.

Deal breaker? Ok – consider the deal broken, now fucking get married in town and save me $1000. Besides marriages are like waffles, you throw the first one away so you ought to do it as cheaply as possible.

You know, people go to law school for three plus years to get a Law degree but can’t practice law until they pass the Bar exam and if you pass that exam, you are licensed to practice law only in that state you passed the Bar – but yet any standard issue chick can get married in any state in the Union (as long as it’s pretty … wheeee, it’s pretty … someone spray me with incense and cover me with puppies and butterflies and silk … wheeeeeeeee) – sounds like some farbenauckle bullshit to me.