Modify This

Food is food I guess.

 People are somewhat whacked about GMO (genetically modified organism) in their food.  Frankly I don’t know much about this topic but seeing as the Federal Government still allows cigarettes to be sold, GMOs can’t be our biggest health issue.

But I survived as a kid when there were no expiration dates on the food nor did we have access to the ingredients in the food. We used to shove shit in the refrigerator and as I recall, eat it years later.  We’d take it out of the cupboard or fridge, give it the once over – if it didn’t move or smell like horseshit, we’d eat it.

Also, we used to leave the butter dish with a giant stick of butter out on the countertop – even in the summertime.  We did not have Central Air Conditioning either and some days the butter dish looked like Tippy had jumped up on the counter and whizzed all over everything as the butter had turned to a yellow river of shit where you could see where it had all separated … but in our mind it was easier to spread on the toast.  It never entered our mind to put the butter in the refrigerator.  Today I keep the extra sticks of butter in the back of the refrigerator where its coldest – but back in the day, the butter dish in our house looked like a giant lake of piss.

And I’m not sure we were poor but there were six of us in the house and we ate dinner every night at home.  I do recall my Mom having a meat hammer (we weren’t eating Filet Mignon) and I have memories of her buying a huge slab of some type of meat and then beating the hell out of it with the hammer – supposedly to make it tender enough to eat.

We’d be watching TV around dinnertime and we’d hear “whack whack whack whack whack whack whack whack whackwhackwhack” … my friends’ parents weren’t wealthy but I don’t remember seeing anyone else’s Mom needing to take a giant mallet to the food in order to make it edible.  If my Mom was around today she may choose to take a professionally prepared GMO approach to the dinner menu rather shadow box a giant slab of beef.

We had a cookie jar too … open lid, insert hand, pull out whatever was in there and eat it.  I’m sure we just dumped new cookies in there as we got them — for all we knew by the time we got to the bottom of the cookie jar, that group of cookies was 100 years old.  Now I have a rotation system when I bring home groceries — you need a goddamn Accounting degree using the FIFO (First In First Out) management process in order to organize the frickin pantry.

And finally, all the products at the grocery are sealed shut at the store – which is good seeing as keeping the general public from touching anything is always a strong idea.  But I know everyone in my family swigged right out of the orange juice and milk containers (never used a glass) and we spewed all kinds of shit back in there while doing it – then we’d calmly put the container back in the refrigerator for the next unsuspecting person.

Apparently the only family member that was living right was Tippy the dog and she drank out of the toilet and ate used tampons and kotex like skittles.