Insert and Paint

Summertime shows a lot of tattoo’s that perhaps might be better hidden.

They should have a law to have breathalyzers at Tattoo parlors and if you blow a 1.2 or higher you can’t get a tattoo.  Score over 1.2 on the test and they paint it on you only and send your dumbass home.  Then they wait for your thank-you call the next morning when you wake up sober and realize that getting a neck tattoo of the entire Von Trapp family was a bad idea.  When you realize that you can scrub off the face of that little Dieter fuck, you will appreciate the law.

Same thing with piercing although they are far less permanent.  Although those giant circle things guys are inserting into their ear lobes will someday haunt them.  Take them out and there is a big gaping hole where you used to have an ear lobe.  Leave them in and stay working in fast food. 

Piercings should be like buying a house or getting married – which is:

“What the hell is my exit strategy on this motherfucker and how quickly can I get the hell of this goddamn thing and quickly assume my life as if it never happened.”

We all get older and look back at the stupid shit we did when we were younger.  To be reminded of it by tattooing a giant hawk on your neck at age 19 is dumb as fuck.

But women these days seem to have made the move to piercing their vaginas.  How do you work around that in bed?  Let me guess honey, your clit has the boat anchor through it, right?  Well call me Captain Ahab then while I go “yodeling in the valley” and I’ll try not to poke my eye out down there.

Nothing like wearing an eye patch the rest of your life just caused you tried to “fake-chow” on some broad.