I do …

It’s wedding season as we dash into the month of May.

Pre-wedding activities are abundant (and lame) as the Priest (or whatever) needs to feel that he has advised you on the concept of marriage so he feels good about performing the ceremony. I mean he is performing a union in the eyes of his almighty so his need to make sure he is doing his due-diligence. And also seeing that the Priest has never been married (alter boys don’t count) it can be a challenge

I know one guy who is getting married and he and his fiancé (which is a French word meaning “who I am screwing now”) have to meet with a married couple five times – five times!!!! – in order to satisfy pre-wedding requirements.

I assume the sessions are to discuss each “spoke of the wheel” – Financial, Spiritual, Bathroom rules, Closet space and Farting guidelines … (they had six spokes on the wheel but they removed “Masturbation”).

You know by the third session the Groom to be wants to take the husband out back and have this conversation:

Groom – Cut the shit dude, how many times a week you getting laid? Not total, just with your wife.

Married Dude – .25

Groom – Once a month??

Married Dude – Sorry, my bad I suck at math … 4 a year total.

And try not to think about that you wouldn’t even have to get married if – when you were having sex – you hadn’t inadvertently said “I love you” when you meant to say “I love this” …