Hurry the hell up …

Is being on time really that difficult for people?

I know some people that no matter what instructions are given, will always drag their assess in 20 minutes late.

Is it ego not to be on time?

I know you said 2:30 but eat shit, I’m getting there when I want to as you don’t own me.  Ok – sorry then, I thought you wanted to get laid …

I believe there are two types of people out there:

1. Those that can be on time as they get their shit together PRIOR to the 2:30 arrival time.  They get their act together … let’s say at 2:10 … as they plan to get there at 2:30.

2. And then there are you lousy bastards who look at the clock AT 2:30 and think … I better get out of here as I have to be somewhere at 2:30 … which is why you are always twenty goddamn minutes late.

Growing up, we implemented the Aunt Helen rule because one of my Aunt’s would not show up on time for Christmas dinner —— EVER.  She’d roll in an hour or two late as I recall her and her family always showing up when the house was loaded with people.  So we would tell her dinner was at 2PM when it was at 3PM.

And I had an Uncle (or something like that, he was my grandmother’s cousin or some bullshit and he never married, loved classical music and sold men’s suits for 40 years – no one cares but if you mix those ingredients in a blender and don’t come up with GAY, you’re not trying) and he would always arrive real early on Christmas (apparently because all his homie blow job buddies were unavailable during the holidays).

So we’d always tell this Uncle dinner was later than it really was so he didn’t show up earlier than we wanted.  He was an ok guy but my family was whacked half the time with both parents smoking two packs a day wedged in a small house with three dogs and four kids – and it was awkward having some weird half gay Uncle sit all by himself next to White Dog (we named our dog White Dog) for an hour or so before anyone else arrived.

With all the logistics being handled, we were Fed Ex and didn’t even know it.  We had to tell the cross-dressing Uncle a later time and tell Aunt Helen an earlier time and tell everyone else the actual time just so everyone would arrive at the same time.

We should have just had White Dog bite everyone …