House Cleaners

Ever hire a professional cleaning company to clean your house and then the day before the day the cleaners are scheduled you spend about an hour cleaning some of the house yourself because you’re embarrassed by having anyone (even Professional Cleaners) see how much of a pig you are?

If you took an ounce of the motivation you get knowing someone might witness how much of a fat, piece of shit, slob you are – and applied it to the daily/weekly tasks of cleaning your house – you wouldn’t need to hire cleaners.  Get off your dumbass and clean the toilet seat.

You also need to be careful with that ever-growing porn collection developing in the spare bedroom.  You won’t get a full clean from them if they stumble upon your leather bound collection of full color Groovy Grannies download of the day pictures.  It’s always a good idea to keep that porn collection somewhat hidden and disheveled anyway … you never know when you might get randomly killed and you don’t want your legacy ruined when your loved ones and children find a well organized and archived porn wing in your house.

And make sure you hide all of your valuables before the cleaners arrive.  I doubt the “We Clean It Good” Company is offering Juanita a good 401K (or a legal work visa) so I would make sure to put away anything less than five pounds that is worth more than ten dollars – including the family dog. 

Lunch wasn’t included with the cleaning contract.

It’s a downer to have a sparkling clean house and also wonder where Tippy went.