Happy New Year (Bride or Groom?)

You’re familiar with Out of Town Weddings? Sure you are if you have been paying any attention.

Well what about weddings around the holidays?

Who wants to enter that territory?  

Like one of my other nieces who had us haul our asses to South Carolina in the middle of summer for a 20 minute outdoor ceremony (noooooooo … it wasn’t humid), another niece (yes – back in the 80’s and early 90’s my siblings were punching out Units like fully loaded Pez Dispensers) wants to have a wedding on New Year’s Eve. 

Great idea …. no one has any plans on that day. 

Wide open around then … and the week before it too. Fuck make it a big wedding so it requires the maximum amount of time required to plan, execute and deliver a gigantic party for 300 people.

Wedding planning becomes crazy the final six weeks before the actual date. There’s not much going on from mid November to December 31 except Thanksgiving, Hanukah, Kwanzaa, Christmas, end of year work deadlines, massive shopping, climbing into the attic to get the Xmas shit, stringing outdoor lights, dodging traffic, travel, family visits – all set in the mood enhancing darkness that blankets us around 4:20 every day.

Shit let’s plan an outdoor wedding for that matter and hope Global Warming isn’t a hoax.  Invite Bill Nye the Science Guy and make sure the invitation states “+1” so he can bring Al Gore.

Or better yet, maybe we can get a giant snowstorm on New Year’s Eve and we get snowed-in the church.  Then we can all get drunk on the sacramental wine and eat the “body” of that Palestinian boy.

New Year’s Eve Wedding – sure – sounds great … and thanks for the extra gift layered on top of the Christmas debt.

I only have this to say to someone who wants to have a wedding on a holiday …

“Why are you so dumb for?”