Give me genital herpes please

You’ve seen the commercials for the genital herpes drug Valtrex … these herpes infested people are riding bikes, going swimming, watching movies, apparently having a great day leading up to an evening of unfettered sexual bliss.

I’m not having this much fun in life.

Hell if it takes a little herpes to jump start my life, bring on the little virus.  I have a cheese grater so I can snatch off the little blisters myself.  I’ll call the Dr. and ask him to call in a prescription of Valtrex and start having some fun.  Sure, every six weeks or so I may have to shut down my willy but shit, five weeks screwing, one week off is a much better deal than I am currently getting.

The key is to find a woman who also has genital herpes – best case scenario is to find the same woman who gave you herpes so your herpes “brands” align.  Mixing herpes is not a good idea because you would end up eventually catching her herpes at some point along with the first one you caught.  Who knows what Valtrex would do to you at that point – you might spin off the planet.

Besides if both of you have the same herpes, you don’t even have to take the medication – c’mon, you already have herpes, you can’t catch it again.  You can fingerfuck her right through the scabs and have some chicken wings later – all without washing up.

So faced with a lifetime of Valtrex with all of the accompanying fun, or another time-to-jerk-off-and-then-order-a-pizza night … I say go with the herpes and get out and enjoy the finer things in life.