Gimme some skin

Dermatologists seem to be a bit kooky.  For whatever reason they don’t seem to have the same patient/doctor interaction that one might expect from some … let’s say … any other medical professional who has to listen to you in order to know what might be wrong and how they can cure you.

OK- let’s be precise here – they have the eye contact and the bedside manner of Sling Blade.

Perhaps it’s from a lifetime of going to work everyday and seeing nasty shit on people’s face and ass — but hey I didn’t pick your goddamn profession, you did so act like you give a shit.  So your Medical school final testing was just below Gynecologist and you wanted to look at cunts all day.  Tough shit.  But let’s be frank, after two weeks on that job, staring into vaginas 12 times a day with all those harsh lights and god knows what problems, can’t leave you wanting to “bury one”.

So I was mildly freaking out over a few moles “looking funny” so I decided to go to the Doctor.  Perhaps his training allowed him to make quick calls on my moles but that bastard did not look at any of my moles for longer than half a second.

I’m not kidding … it was like:

Me – I want you to check out my moles 
Doc – ok which ones
 Me – this one … half second later 
Doc – it’s fine 
Me – ok good … uhhh this one too … half second later 
Doc – it’s fine 
This one, it’s fine 
This one, it’s fine 
This one, it’s fine
This one, it’s fine 

Fucker could have jogged by my house while I was getting my mail and done this shit for free.

10 moles checked out in under 15 seconds.

Shit – it took me longer to gyrate my body and pull my shirt up and down than it did for him to say “it’s fine”.  It became somewhat of a contest for me to stump him.

Then he said “You want me to look at your back?”

I was like yeah mother fucker, look at my back.  Swarming with giant vibrating moles just waiting to cause irreparable harm oozing its cancer and shit.  You may pass out after one glance knowing I have some form of prehistoric melanoma never seen before.  I may die before I pay the goddamn bill … yeah bitch look at my back.

Half second later … “It’s fine”

Doc wins.