Fire Alarms

I love the fire alarm as nothing is worse than waking up dead in your bed burned to death. The smell of smoke simply never leaves you.

They should have a law though that says if you are burned to death, you have to be cremated – just call the Cremation, “Part Two” of the process.  Probably save a little money on the cremation service too seeing as you’re already ‘prepped’.

But a good honking fire alarm stops all of this as it alerts you to fire/smoke – or your wife’s cooking – prior to torching yourself.

However – I am not a big fan of the fire alarm testing process – especially at work.  Sure they can clang the bell and tell everyone there’s a Fire Alarm test, but I think it can stop there. Can’t they just turn the frickin thing off at that point and say it worked – Hey everyone it worked so if there’s fire, we’ll clang the bell and you can run the hell out the building.  You need more instructions than this, see someone in personnel you jackoff.

Do they really need to make everyone find a stairwell and walk down six flights of steps to get outside?  Isn’t walking outside if the building is on fire implied?  Do you think people will get to the stairwell door during a real fire and go – What do we do now? They never told us what to do except walk here.

At the maximum, the fire drill should make everyone walk to a stairwell on their floor and sign their name on the fucking door or something. Hey I was here during the fire drill and if there’s an actual fire one day, I’ll go the extra mile and walk down the steps.  Sign Here.

Fire Drill aren’t the Army Rangers or Special Forces which requires real-life scenarios in order to get 10,000-hour practice perfect. It’s a goddamn bell that clangs. I have not left my desk during fire drills and no one said a word. No fireman was at my office door with an ax telling me to get the hell out. I kept on working and if there was a real fire, I’m pretty sure I would have thrown a chair through a window and looked for a fat guy to land on.

However real office building fire alarm tests require everyone to walk 100 yards away from the building.  No one ever does it.  We all walk out to the first ledge and hop up on it and hope the fire alarm test takes about three hours so we don’t have to go back to work.  Nothing more dreadful than when you realize that people are filtering back into the building … you almost wish the asshole in your office would come running out all ablaze so you could hang out on the ledge some more.

We all hate that asshole anyways so when we have to filter back in, we’ll at least know he won’t be there –

The dumbass should have paid attention during the Fire Alarm tests.