Facebook

If you’re under the age of 23, you are excluded from this rant seeing as you grew up with these stupid social networks and they seem normal to you.
 

And if you’re between 24 and 29, you can also be excused – but remember, you are closing in on having to be a responsible adult soon so you might want to find an alternative process for letting your friends know that you are “tired and need some sleep”.
 

However if you are over let’s say 30, you need to stop posting your nonsense on Facebook as it is lame.  If you don’t think it’s lame, ask any standard teenager.  Young people can post all of their stupidity as they’re young and don’t know any better.
 

If you’re 30 or older, you can also never post “LOL” as a means of letting people understand that you are laughing.  For one, whenever I have posted LOL, I am never laughing so what the hell am I typing LOL?  It was posted for you so you can laugh.  It’s just like the annoying laugh track on your routine shitty situation comedy show on TV.  The laugh track is telling you “this script sucks, there’s not a funny moment in the motherfucker, so when we click the laugh track, try to laugh along with it at home as these are the jokes”.  Also, the variations of LOL (ROFLMAO, ROFL or whatever) are actually beyond retarded.  
 

Alternatives to LOL?  How about … LWWP – laughing while watching porn … or LTTPWISMP – laughing to the point where I shit my pants … or perhaps LWFYS – laughing while fucking your sister.  These are all better alternatives that LOL or its variants.
 

And make sure your status update has some lame, maudlin lyric lifted from some recent goofy song.  Something about love and getting hurt and trusting … and why do people lie? 

Blah, blah, blah … grow up Peter Pan, Wendy wants to blow you.