Drive time fun

Prior to driving while texting and talking on Smartphones, people did – and still do – all kinds of stupid shit that made highway driving like Running with the Bulls.

 Things dipshits do while driving down the highway … Reading the newspaper … one guy I saw had both sections of the paper draped over his steering wheel and was flying down the highway 80 miles an hour catching up on the baseball scores.  Reading books is also high up on the list.  “Hey I think I’ll go to the library and get some books and drive around town and read them”.

Breakfast … big deal right?  A donut or apple?  No – one lady I saw once had a big bowl of cherrio’s with milk in a bowl and she spooned the shit in her mouth while she steered the car with her knees switching lanes like a frickin lunatic.  I got in front of her on the road and slammed on my brakes everytime I saw the spoon get close to her mouth.

Head … and a lot of it – sometimes I only had to look straight down too.

Women putting on make-up … with the vanity mirror pulled down as well – you think this tramp could get up 30 minutes earlier, find her pants and car keys and drive home from the guy’s house (glancing at his mail to get his first name) and get dressed and put her make-up on at her trailer.

But no, she is whizzing down the highway at 90 MPH trying to hide the stretch marks around her mouth with piles of cheap Maybelline she lifted from an inner city WalMart.

Masturbating … there really is nothing in the driving process that requires the same motion as some sex-depraved guy violently jerking his hand up and down a thousand times in his lap.  It is simply not a motion that helps steer a car.  Whacking while driving has to feel good and then immediately make you want to kill yourself as you realized you just jerked off into one of your socks in front of many, many cars and trucks loaded with people who can see through car windows.

Picking your nose … there is no demographic free from this one.  I have seen an old lady in a $100,000 Mercedes jam a finger about three knuckles deep into her nose giving it that swirling digging motion that says I can feel one in there but I can’t quite grab it.  I often wonder what she did with it once she yanked it out of there.  Creepy old broad.

Instead of putting map lights on overhead console on cars, they should have a black light option so you can see where sperm, ass matter and other atrocities are located – especially on rental cars as you need to wear gloves, a suit of armor and three condoms when renting as you can never predict the depth of hygiene people will do in their cars.