Dating

As one gets older, dating is quite different than dating one remembers from one’s younger years.  It has the appeal of going to the dentist except you don’t rinse and spit as much.

Let’s face it, being older and dating older women (over 45 years old) is just like a sales call.  As the guy (sales), you basically spend the majority of your time nodding your head and agreeing with everything she (the client) is saying.  Every so often, you have to restart the conversation with a question (something like “What happened then?”) but for the most part her blathering on will essentially be the first date.

Most of the women over 45 are looking for a guy with money, has some energy and doesn’t look like mildly dead.

From the guy side, we just don’t want to date our moms.

If a guy is 50 and goes younger than – say 35 – all bets are off as to the outcome.  You could be dead from a three hour tryst in the bedroom or she may chew gum and talk about loving music – “I love the oldies” she says, “you know, Pearl Jam, Nirvana …”  Oh for fuck’s sake, deliver me from this zygote.

And sometimes the dates are just awful … there was a date last month that was so bad, I put the Rufie in my drink.  I thought “the hell with this, I’ll be scarred for life if I remember this dipshit …”

And we’re all trying to stay young and be healthy but once I was on a date with an older woman who was trying to quit smoking – she had a nicotine patch on one arm and an estrogen patch on the other, she looked like a quilt.  Naked she looked a lot like what Kansas looks likes in August from a plane about 6000 feet up – patches everywhere, odd shapes, dry.

As a guy just make sure to find a woman with enough money that she asks you sign her Pre-Nup.  Nothing better than a chick with some cash.  She comes back for date number two, you know she likes you … or she’s a dude – and you don’t want to pre-Rufie yourself for that one.