Condoms

You can read from the picture that it has a Multi-Speed Vibrating Ring that – I assume – is worn over the actual condom.  Fair enough I guess but four speeds?  What you can’t read, as the picture is a little blurry, are the four speed levels … they are:

• Regular – oh yeah, “regular” … we all have a vibrating ring condom at home that we can measure against to know what “regular” means.  You know, the regular speed you get when you snap a vibrating ring around a condom which is wrapped around your dick.  I’ll take a guess that “regular” is the sort of hummm you get from your standard rotating head dildo.
   
• Pulse – just in case the hummm of the “regular” is not working its magic on your woman, you can also flip it to pulse.  It works as a beacon too if you’re ever lost at sea.  “Admiral, I’m picking up a signal from three miles out … it sounds like a pulse, perhaps we should change course as someone may be lost at sea” … “No, it’s just Lisa on pulse, she’ll have some seamen visit her later.”
   
• Intense Pulse – jeesh lady, if “regular” and “pulse” aren’t getting it done for you, what the hell sort of cavern you sporting down there?  Does the guy’s cock even touch the sides?  Could the Von Trapp family have dinner in it?  If so you can always turn the knob to “intense pulse” and let the little thing go wild inside you.
   
• And finally there is Extra Intense – now I’m not sure that this setting is a step up from “intense pulse” or from “regular”.  I will take a shot at it and say that “extra intense” is the big bad motherfucker of all settings.  The Samuel L. Jackson of settings.  If this setting doesn’t get you off lady, don’t blame the guy – after he is done, just take that 20 minute shower immediately after and finish yourself off like you normally do.

To conclude, I have a few questions.

• What is the power source for the vibrating ring?
  
  – Solar?  That makes no sense.  “Honey, is it cloudy?  Can you take the cock ring out of the condom package and put it in the sun?”
  – Battery?  How the hell you put a battery in a vibrating ring and wrap it around a condom and around a dick and then the entire contraption inside a woman?
   
• How do you change speeds in mid action?  “That feels great dear, can you reach down and stick your fingers inside me and change the speed of the cock ring?

So there you go … a vibrating cock ring … a sure fire hit.  All it needs is an Infomercial.