Fulfilling biological necessities by sitting on porcelain stool type devices can be enjoyable (in its space if you will) if you’re playing home games. There is a comfort and familiarity and you have some periodicals (just keep the friggin things out of the Living Room when you’re done).
Away games can be tough though.
For the most part they’re unplanned (I mean … who would really take a shit at the airport). Since they’re unplanned they tend to be a bit messier than your standard event seeing as you deny its inevitability until it becomes an unstoppable force.
I have noticed that three thing happen when you eat breakfast at Bob Evans:
You drink a boatload of coffee
You eat a very late lunch
And around 10:15 or so you will sprint to the bathroom and shit out a Buick
Which can be ok if you’re home but who purposely goes to Bob Evans and then goes home? It’s always back to work or back on the road. And playing an away game in a Bob Evans bathroom ranks right up there with giving Betty White a Bazillion Wax.
Bob Evans has one toilet.
One.
They have seats for 100 people and serve high-octane coffee all day and they only have one toilet. And apparently it’s for the employees use as well as the guy who cooks the eggs was launching some massive Griswold in there. I could see his Chef Hat above the stall after he stood up and flushed.
Great visual … the Bob Evans Marketing Manager should get a picture of that and stick in on the menu right next to the big giant Omelet he can cook.
Restrooms at work are quite the treat as well. There’s usually three or stalls which provide some randomness but you still have to be careful. You can’t be farting, wheezing and cussing in there and walk out and see the President of the company.
He won’t forget that image.
He’ll be wondering who to promote and will always think of you as that sweaty fuck from stall two.
And if the President has other stalls to use, but he chooses to use the one you just walked out of … you might want to update your resume.
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