Why burden some kid by giving him a weird first name? And by weird I mean giving him, not a unisex first name like Terry/Terri but giving him primarily a girl’s first name like Mallory or Francis.
Sure you had Francis Scott Key who wrote the Star-Spangled Banner (ironically he wore his hat when he wrote it) … and Francis Bacon the 16th century English philosopher, statesman and scientist (who also invented the BLT sandwich) but for the most part any guy with a girl’s name is pretty much screwed.
You can always go with a nickname I suppose.
Francis Vincent – the former Commissioner of Baseball – never went by Francis as it sounded like he had a vagina, so he went with a nickname … he chose Fay. No shit, he hated his first name so he picked a nickname even more worse.
Reporter – Hello Francis, can you tell me about the upcoming baseball season?
Francis Vincent – Please, call me Fay.
Reporter – Why? Was “Cocksucker” not available?
Funny thing about nicknames, you can’t really pick your own nickname or it sounds forced and phony. Nicknames flows naturally onto you like when you got the name ‘Tiny’ in the 7th grade school shower.
Personalized license plates are a perfect example of some cheese dick picking his own nickname. No one who knows him would ever call him something as grand as what he can announce to the world in his goofy 8 character license plate on the back of his shitty leased car … hey IM2SXY, nice Fiat you got there.
Back to guys with girls names, back when I played Little League baseball, there was a man who coached in the league forever and he had the name of Shirley Potts – which has to go down as one of the greatest names ever. We all called him Shirley and he spit tobacco and said stupid shit like “RBI strikeout” and he never bothered with a nickname.
Now if your name is Mallory or Francis – you might want to grab one.
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