Obviously we have gone a tad nutty (funny) with the whole airport ritual of someone needing to look at my balls in order to get my ass on a plane. For the most part, my balls are harmless. They work and everything but I don’t think I can take control of a 80 ton Aircraft with them.
If I ever get a chance to join the mile-high club, I will definitely need my balls. Unlike some, I admit to never having sex in an airplane. Others claim a loophole and say that when they snapped one off from the airplane bathroom while gazing at a sleeping Flight Attendant on the Red-Eye, that that put them in the mile-high club. I claim bullshit. And I once had sex in Denver so fuck it, I’m in anyways.
But the next time I am in a long airport security line, I am going to take a Viagra and look at porn on my Iphone all the way to the body scanner – they want to find a weapon, goddammit I’ll give them a weapon. It might go like this:
TSA lady – Sir, you have a weapon in there?
Me – Fuckin aye.
TSA lady – We’re going to need to examine it.
Me – I’d keep those plastic gloves on then. And go slow too.
Priapism (you know, the four hour and one minute or more erection issue) has to be quite the high and low of manliness. You take a Viagra and get a woman in bed (on your own or store bought – doesn’t matter) and start banging away. Then you drift past your usual and normal three minute thrust-fest and maintain your rigidity into a half hour, then an hour – you have to start thinking “I am the greatest stunt cock ever!!”.
Next thing you know, it’s 3 o’clock in the morning and you have some Emergency room intern with big hands jabbing a syringe into your dick. You thought sporting a boner when the Doc checked you for a hernia was embarrassing.
Speaking of that, you think Dr’s ever get a little bit of a positive jolt when they check guys for hernias and there’s a boner along for the ride.
You think the Dr ever thinks “He likes me, I still got it”?
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